When Adulting is Hard I Will Still Rejoice.

Scripture is powerful right?  It has the ability  to change lives.  

Why?

The gospel.  Christ crucified. Because God is the word and the word is God who became flesh, Jesus. (John 1:1-2)

 He changes lives because

HE overcame the world.  Because (John 16:33)

HE came to seek and save the lost. (Luke 19:10) Why?  Because 

HE takes our brokenness and sees us mended.(Psalm 34:18)

The word of God is powerful piercing through the very depths of our beings; into places we haven't been and desperately try to distract from, run from and avoid. (Hebrews 4;12) The word will find those areas and make them new, clean, whole, beautiful.

When I find myself caught up, trapped, suffocated, distracted by the day to day activities, schedules, monotony, comparison this world offers,  I clam up and often drown.  I let myself give in to the worries, the stresses, the loneliness, the have nots and the envy.  When I let scripture be the last resort, the end thought when I am at the end of my rope, HE still remains.  Even when I pray last at the end of my day, God is still there, waiting, wanting me to come to Him to be renewed.  

Habakkuk 3:17-18:

 "Though the fig tree does not bud

    and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

    and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

    and no cattle in the stalls,

18 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will be joyful in God my Savior

Christ makes a way when we have lost our way. We can rejoice. When it feels like no one else could possibly understand what we are going through, remember that God took on flesh and became one of us. We can rejoice. When it feels like you are so alone, it hurts inside, God is standing next to you wanting you to listen to His spirit who is ministering to your soul. (Romans 8:26-27)

Friends, I have struggled immensely in this life, and most recently it was my hormones that were insanely out of whack that I thought I was going a little crazy.  Whatever your current struggle, it is unique to you and you can feel secure and affirmed that A. you are not alone. and B. you are valid.  Powerful words like this allow space to heal, learn, grow and change perspective on life.  It is okay, to not be okay.  It is okay to have struggles and be real with those struggles with a trusted group. Life is one big change, and the faster that I cling to Jesus on the daily, the closer my relationship with Him, the more I will fall in love with Him and become transformed to be like Him.

When being an adult sucks, open your Bible and read.  Yes, that sounds incredibly too simplistic and I realize there is more to it-but stop thinking yourself to death and just do.  Just Be. Just sit. Just let Him wash over you.  That is what I will be doing.

I'm out-
Peace to you friends.

-Ash-

Coffee + Chat Vol. III

Journaling daily really is a discipline can I get an amen?  But isn't there something so great about being able to look back at a moment and remember not only the event, but how you were thinking and processing things?  I have not been to this space in several several months now and feels a little sad because I have not documented life!  I am super excited though to get back in to furthering my writing skills and creating a space where I can be free!!!  I hope all is well with you and that this post finds you well.

1. Currently reading:

I have recently decided to re-start and FINISH "Desiring God" and am super excited about it.  It is by Pastor John Piper who I admire a lot and has some rich theological doctrines that I am inspired to learn more about.

2.  Currently thinking about:

Being in the moment more and the doctrine of sovereignty.  Ha!  Yes I have definitely been trying to be in the moment and let tomorrow have its own worries.  I have been trying to catch myself when I worry or start thinking too deeply about things.  I have been trying to memorize scripture that align with trusting God and verses on anxiety.

3. Currently Listening to:

All things Gospel.

4. Currently thankful for:

I am super thankful for Jesus and His power and glory.  I have been praying for some specific things and I really feel like I received clarity and answers from the Lord.  This is something to be super thankful for.  I am just really loving the level of trust that has occurred over the last couple months with my relationship with the Lord.

5. Currently crafting:

Right now I am not crafting anything, but I am really excited to do my chalkboard wall in my room.  I want to create a chalkboard with wood borders in my bedroom where I can write prayers down and see God move.

6. Currently looking at:

Addison.  She is so amazing and beautiful and I love her so much.  I am truly thankful for her little precious life and that God himself ordained Drew and I to have these sweet girls in our lives. It is truly a humbling experience being parents, but seeing the way Riley is growing and maturing makes me so thankful that He chose me.


What are you 'currently' doing?

Staying Home and Thriving // Another look at Fear.

Welcome to my space here at yearn love grow!  If you are new here welcome, and for those who read what I write-thanks!  I have sat down quite a lot actually to attempt a post, but never finish and things get busy.  Life gets busy, and before you know, you are not really sure what has been consuming your time.

Life at home seems to magnify this exact concept.  The concept of productivity vs. relaxing.  The concept of being in the moment with your kid(s) and getting 'things' done around the house.  The incredibly delicate balance of figuring out priorities and acting on them without stressing yourself out.

I do now know where you are in this very moment, how you found this blog post, or what you are thinking, but sitting and resting with Scripture IS the best use of time.  If there is one thing I know, it is that filling our minds with Scripture is not wasteful.  Being at home with my toddler has shown me how much I NEED Jesus and I NEED scripture.  When I was working I had the opportunity to structure my day the way I wanted to and it allowed more 'time' so to speak to engage in meditation.  But, with all things, come priority and action.  You may have time, and are not using it well.  Here are a few ways that may help you to stay at home and thrive.


1.  Spending Mornings with God.
Yes, mornings.  Starting your day before coffee, food, work, school, children and everything else starts moving, is best to sit with scripture and just be.  THIS is hard.  THIS take effort, THIS is costly.  Why?  You are giving up other things-hence priorities.  I am personally not the morning type and truly it has taken time for me to get up and motivated to feed and caffeinate my family in the morning.  While it is a good motivation and I totally nail it now, if I do not have my quiet time, I most likely will not have it, AND the day does not seem as productive nor does it have a good pace.

"God increases our time when we give him ours from the beginning."

2. Sunday Prep
I love Sundays for the sheer reason that I get to organize my week and really take a look at how I can accomplish my tasks for the week.  I think it is a great day to be able to grocery and meal prep, get activities for Riley together and reflect as well as dream about the coming week and the hope that always fill a new week.

3.  Praying through Scripture.  
Staying home can just be super daunting and can evoke many fear-filled emotions within us.  I think staying home with a little can draw out insecurities and greatly brings immense amounts of humility from the beginning.  You can read only so much about why a baby does this or that before you just need to pray, give it to the Lord and use our modern medicine. Having scripture paint your house, or being able to refer to it quickly is so useful and helpful.

4. Know What you Do is Good.
Like most, it is so easy for me to compare to others, and to of course not think that I am doing a good job and staying home and being with Riley.  Understanding your role, the timing and that God is with you is key to positive self talk and a renewed mind.  Again God is the one that can renew and transform our minds but only when we look to HIM for our identity and not the world.  The busy-ness of the world says that I need need need, and not be, be, be.  Being a Mom at home, working or not, the down on our knees, playing and laughing and growing is what these kiddos need.  They need love, discipline and laughter.  A safe place and a parent who engages them in the frustrating moments.  They need parents who can separate their emotions from the kids in the heat of the moment.  THIS comes from Christ.

5. Fear is not the root

I already was an anxious-driven person, and parenthood only unveiled that which was always there and then some.  My fear became so out of hand that I really thought I needed medication.  When Riley was born, they say to sleep when she does, and it wasn't that I didn't try or didn't have the time, I literally was so stricken with fear that my body would not relax.  Ya, not the best feeling when you are already sleep deprived.  I found a great quote from "RevivedLife.com: "But fear is a fruit, not the root. The root is unbelief in our hearts. That’s why the greatest obstacle to a life marked by serving the Lord and being obedient to His prompts is not fear … but unbelief.  Unbelief is our unwillingness to believe that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. When we respond with unbelief, we are saying to God, “You are not trustworthy. Therefore, if I am faced with a situation that depends on You to come through, I won’t take a risk.”

This quote hit me pretty hard and truly couldn't be anymore accurate for life.  Our unbelief is where it all lies and always has.  You can take it straight back to the garden when Eve believes whole- heartedly that God did not provide to the best of His abilities, left something out that she is not missing and therefore ate the forbidden fruit. She was convinced that God did not come through, in one sense lied to her and that she needed to take care of the situation herself.  How many of us are doing that right now?

I will leave you lovely people with this:  The picture at the top is a great reminder.  Although beautiful, the ocean is also extremely dangerous.  Flying high above, or maybe on a boat safety is certainly near, but the perspective of the picture shows how dangerously close we can all be from impending doom.  This right here is the fine balancing act.  The beauty and trust and the apprehension and caution.  The balance can only be found in He who is greater.

Judgment // An Honest Look at Scripture

I heard such an honest teaching on judgment this last weekend that I just had to share. My pastor, who is such a transparent person, really shed some light on a few verses that I did not really understand.  Specifically:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.  6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. Matt. 7:1-6

Firstly, I know I have heard it said countless times that we are not to judge.  Many people, believers of Jesus and non-believers, toss this phrase around haphazardly all the time. "Don't judge me," or 'only God can judge me,’ or ‘I’m not here to judge.’ But really what it comes down to is that none are without judgment and everyone wishes to not be judged without the accountability for themselves.  It would be great if we could judge freely knowing we aren't being judged in return, but this just isn't so.  There has to be some order right?

So what is judgement exactly?  Let us just start there and take a look at the good ole dictionary.

Miriam Webster Dictionary: "A formal utterance of an authoritative opinion."

Okay so we all would love to think we have some sort of authority, and to some degree we do.  We all in our own sphere of influences have some sort of authority in certain contexts, however this does not mean that our judgments are sound nor are they the standard to judge all by.

I think we can all agree that in order to have a well working society and world, that there needs to be some standard.  A certain place to look to in order to understand right from wrong and help others in making good decisions.  I know I went all global sized on this whole topic but I feel like that is where this topic will naturally lead.  Judgment, without a doubt is kind of a human thing.  We are all going to do it at some point, just depends how many times we do in a day right? ;)   

At some point in life, God will judge us.  The bible says in multiple verses and books, that this will happen.  It also states that the degree and way in which you judge others is the way God will judge you.  (Makes me think twice about judging-which I guess is sort of the point.)  God will judge us for how we have lived our lives here on this earth that he created.  The only one worthy of complete human judgment is Christ because he is divine and absolutely sinless.  Those without sin are able to fully judge, and in all human history there has only been one perfect person: JESUS.

So when we look at judgment from a biblical stand point, there are areas as believers we are able to judge.  We are not to judge people, but actions and emotions.  We have God, the complete authority, and the bible to look to for the ultimate rule and authority in order to make a judgment call on another person’s life.  All of this of course is done from love.  There should be no contentious way inside of us while ‘calling someone out.’  Judging actions is a lot different than judging a person.  Judging someone’s actions and emotions must coincide with context always.  When we are calling someone out we must first:

 Ask if the person even cares what you have to say (degree of relationship)

Ask if you are doing the same thing the judgment is about (No hypocrisy)

Ask if you are calling them out from a place of love and concern. (Intentions/motives)

I believe at some point, different points in life, daily even, we need wisdom, guidance and some place other than our skewed limited perspective for help.  We need outside wisdom in areas where conflict arise or problems occur.  I believe in trying to seek truth in all areas of life for the present and future.  Looking to absolute truth and authority makes the most sense to me.  God himself is without sin; absolutely perfect.

  Why wouldn’t we look to Him for our daily wisdom?

Perfect love Casts out ALL fear // A post for the weary

 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Josh. 1:9 


Today was like any other Sunday for the most part.  Woke up to help my husband off to work, brought my toddler in bed with me around 6 to snuggle and then it was hit the ground running.  We went on a bike ride to grab coffee and snacks, came home to watch the sermon online, (I think she has hand, mouth, foot virus) and played together.  Now being 6 months pregnant with our second, I have tried to lay down and take a nap when Riley does. Here is where the not-so-typical Sunday part comes into play.

I laid down to nap with a great convictional sermon lingering in my mind and began to toss and turn-half way sleeping, but really not.  I began to remember the pain of child birth and the sleepless nights, I began to fear the family of three to four change of having thoughts of change of a good thing now.  I felt this weight flow over me that was very different than what I have been feeling about this pregnancy.

If you have read my story here of my first being born, I talk a lot of why becoming a parent was never really a decision that I made head on.  I had a lot of anxiety and fear during the first few months with Riley and God worked on my heart so much.  I feel so different from the that person that I was then and I am forever thankful to Christ for bringing my selfishness and pride down with taking care of a newborn.  I truly feel and know what it is like to surrender out loud alone in my house to the Lord of Lords pleading to Him in a very difficult situation in my life.  He brought me through darkness and raised me up into a new person.  He has used Riley in mighty ways in my life and I am so grateful to be called Mama to such a beautiful and precious soul.

With all that being said, how easily my heart and mind were gripped during this little cat nap.  My soul felt the weight of change in the unknown and I felt this sense of panic.  A trigger that I think caused this was napping.  You see when Riley was little (the first 4 months) I really tried to nap when she did but I had so much anxiety that I really was not sleeping the amount that I potentially could have been sleeping.  I would lay down in bed anticipating that small newborn cry and couldn't handle the feeling, the change, the weight, the contemplation, the fear of all that it was being a first time Mom that I literally could not sleep.  My body could not relax enough to actually fall asleep.

My nap right now was my trigger to remembering and remembering only bad.  I was remembering all of the things that were hormonal, immature, selfish and hard in light of my old mindset and now knowing.  GOD has brought me to a place so special in my life and I wanted to write to proclaim God did not give me this FEAR.  He does not give fear because of HIS LOVE.  He proclaims to me, that His love casts out ALL Fear.  Not just some fear, not just the fear of a new baby, or change, or how it will affect my marriage, or Riley or my hormones--ALL FEAR!  

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Christ also says that he brings good things out of hard situations for those that are in Christ Jesus.  Romans 8:28 says: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  He says He will honor those who honor HIM.  I think this whole dream is two-sided.  He also has expectations of me to live out the changes that he made in me two years ago. I made many promises to him in a short time when I was on my knees holding a crying newborn not knowing how to handle it all.  I made it a point that I would decorate my home in scripture, that I would cover my walls in promises that He says over me and my family. I believe this is a great reminder that he does not give a spirit of fear, but He does expect big things from us.  TO live a life of authenticity and being real.  

Being real in my home, knowing we are expanding our family, means battle.  Now it is joyous and I am overwhelmed and ecstatic that I am able to be pregnant twice in my life already.  It is beautiful, with that I do not believe in staying in that state.  I want to be preparing spiritually for potential battles, knowing I have the King of King on my side and allowing scripture to be the sword it says it is.

Being real right now with this pregnancy, with Riley, my husband and myself is knowing what I need.  I need scripture to look to during 1am feedings.  I need reminders of God's love, my purpose and inspiration.  I need to know that what I am doing is what I have been called to in this season.  I need many things and I need to prepare now while we are still a family of three.  

Reminders that we are dependent, lost, hopeless, complacent people are good things!  These are the moments that build character and perseverance.  These are the moments that show us our humanity and the great need for a Savior.

Romans 5:3-5 says: "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."


 Be encouraged today lovely people and know that today, right now, wherever you are in life, in your mind, in all your situations that God is with you and He will love you when your love is inconsistent, He hears you when you think you are all alone, and He has perfect love for a person who feels unworthy of any love.