I finally feel like I have somewhat of a grasp on this motherhood thing. I would say it took a good three months, but I feel I have arrived and am actually thriving and loving life again. :) Ha! Riley is now almost 5 months and I can truly and honestly say that I am so in love with her and cannot get enough of her beautiful smile and watching her grow and learn. Motherhood has been a, not to be cliche, a roller coaster of sorts! Wow have I been in for a treat! Being home with her, not going out into the workforce has had its own challenges, but now having a routine attuned to Riley's needs is definitely a blessing. It feels a little less crazy and now I can't even imagine going back to work! Crazy how a little time and some good meditation can change a person! I feel so blessed that she has fallen into a routine. She has a pretty set bedtime and her naps are getting more consistent. I am thankful for a routine now, seeing that it brought back my sanity :)
So what is her routine you ask?
I usually put her down around 6:30pm and she will wake for a little snack around 11pm. She falls right back to sleep and then up again around 3:30am, I feed her back to sleep and up again around 6:30am. I am trying my best to ween her off the two midnight feedings but it is hard to know if she really is hungry or just cant put herself back to sleep. I thought this motherly instinct thing was supposed to kick in and that is was supposed to be this magical wisdom that somehow was supposed to give me the right answer right in the moment; but I sometimes feel that I just kind of wing it and hope for the best.
I have recently been reading a new blog: http://www.bobbimccormick.com/?page_id=29775 trying to find answers to these Mom issues. I must say this blog is super awesome! In her blog she posted a site to help with getting your baby on a sleep routine. I will be trying this coming week to help little Riley get on a sleep routine so that hopefully she will start, AGAIN, sleeping through the night. Another inspiring side note that I really loved on her blog was how motivated this woman is. She runs marathons, teaches kickboxing, has a baby, makes money form her blog, is a wife and housekeeper. Man, I was so inspired this morning reading her blogs I decided to blog myself!
GOALS
This year my words are, MOTIVATION and CONSISTENCY. I want to be better, healthier, stronger and the most important, more like Jesus. I think I lack in these two areas largely because I deep down inside, (get reading we are going deep!) have little self-esteem. I think that I do not think I am worth it so I do not follow through. My goal this year is to be better in those two areas. I believe the first step in gaining self-esteem/self-confidence is giving my heart to Jesus. I know starting there is the first step. And honestly it is an everyday deal. Having a faithful and consistent prayer life and bible reading time will not only help my heart, but will also draw me closer to my savior. I think it is easy for me to get stuck and not try anymore. I in one sense am all or nothing, when all I want is to be consistent and faithful in the small things. I start things in life with grandiose plans and ideas, and a week later they are fizzled out and I am left feeling guilty and displeased with myself. The long and dismile trail of unmet goals in my past are viewed with guilt and frustration and I want CHANGE.
I have been reading this book by two of my favorite authors called "9 Things you Simply Must Do." In this book are 9 steps and practices that the author has noticed successful people doing in life. One of the points the author makes is, "Those who succeed in life cannot ignore their hearts, minds, and souls. I have found that I am more like a pancake than a waffle. In other words, I am not good at compartmentalizing my life, I am good and letting one negative thing in life affect everything else in life. If something is wrong in a relationship in my life, the rest of life is also affected. Now I am not sure if this is a good or a bad thing quite yet, but I know that knowing this fact about myself leads me to some actions that I can take. When negative things come up in life, I need to ask myself questions like, "How can I make this situation better?" "How can I make the first move in this conflict and bring light on the problem?" How can I be proactive in my response and put the other person first? One verse the book mentioned was from Proverbs 22:3 which states, "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." I believe when I really listen to my heart, and am staying grounded in the word that I can be a healthier individual. Some other points he brings up are feelings or statements to ask yourself in certain situations.
1. This doesn't quite feel right
2. I really don't feel comfortable doing this or agreeing to this
3. This is not what I really want
4. I don't like what I am agreeing to
5. This violates an important value
6. I am going to resent this tomorrow
7. I am going to resent this for a long time
8. I wish this were not happening
9. This feels the same as last time
I found these to be helpful when encountering a potentially hazardous conflict. Asking myself theses questions help to get to the heart and where you really are. Striving to be self aware on a daily basis is never easy and it takes a lot of work, but I hope with these statements and questions that I can be more intentional this year.
Goals this year:
Half Marathon 4.12.14
Refurbish a garage sale dresser
Throw a well prepared rad 1 year birthday party for Little Miss Mae
Increase my prayer life and work up to an hour of real conversation with Jesus
Continue eating clean
Praying for my daughter
Going deep in rich conversation with my husband
Growing new relationships through my Sandals community group
Communicating what I need and want and getting those things
Loving people even when I am tired and frustrated
Doing acts of kindness
Finish and learn from 5 books, apart form the bible.
Tithe regularly
More goals to come and look forward to on my birthday. I read another gals blog who said that she uses hear birthday as more of the launching point for goal setting. I am going to adopt that as my own and say that on February 12th when I turn 26th these goals are going in to affect fo real!
