Monday Mama Montage Vol. 15

Good Morning lovely people who read my blog!  Thank you for taking the time out of your day to stop by-I appreciate you!

Motherhood can be a gut-wrenching experience at times.  And I definitely mean that in the most literal way possible.  I definitely think their are moments when things are completely utterly so far from my control that my insides just cringe when I cannot do ANYTHING to bring peace to my little one.  It is truly terrible when your little one is sick or having a tantrum and you have no idea what to do.

This evening seemed like any other evening, a little irritability, and little frustration here or there, dinner, food, brush teeth and bed.  Right around bath time, my husband was home and helping me get our daughter ready for bed and she started getting a little fussy at bath time....then a little more fussy...a little more,..more...MORE!   We didn't know what was wrong.  Full on tears and crying, she didn't want us to hold her or put her down (ya- figure that one out?!?!) I'm trying to give her teething tablets thinking that was the likely culprit, all the while just wondering that one huge question that seems to plague every parent. "Is this normal?"

We managed to calm her after we laid her down on the living room floor with a bottle and then she was perfectly fine like nothing ever happened.  Now I am a first time parent and I have no range for what is normal and what is not normal.  I also recognize that behaviors can be diagnosed and misdiagnosed, called one thing at one age and another thing at another. Things can also be super magnified during a tantrum, especially not having experienced a ton at all.  All I know is how I feel during the fit, or whatever I am calling it, and about an hour after.  My stomach feels like it is in knots, my jaw hurts from being clenched, and my breathing is so off balanced.

Again I feel like I can slightly over exaggerate because I am already an anxious worrisome person and this is how I have dealt with many things in my past.  What sucks about it is that I have done a lot of work on myself not to go to those places.  I feel like I try so hard not to panic, and be anxious, and be worried.  Oh but to have children.  To really see my weaknesses shown to me in the reflection of Riley.  Like a mirror being pointed at me and I see all that I am.  All of me is laid out raw and bare and I find myself literally at the feet of Jesus.  In need so much of His mercy that it hurts.

I am finding that in these moments, in these small quiet reflective moments that I sometimes get after this happens I am but a desperate wretched soul in need of a Savior. Friends-there is beauty in this. There is beauty in the fact that I have a Father, a Father in heaven who is eternal that cares about my growth in life.  He cares so much that He wants to take care of me, and He will use whatever measure possible to get ME to look to HIM over and over and over again.  The pain that I experience with seeing Riley in pain and me being completely and utterly helpless is where I am completely humbled and in desperate NEED of a savior.

Whether her crying fit was due to massive teeth trying to rip through her gums, or her stomach hurt from gas, at this point with the limited communication we will never really know.  All I know at this point in the few 18 months that I have been a Mother is that our kids will experience pain in this life.  I as a parent can use the wisdom and means that I know of to help her, and with that I also pray.  Prayer will always be present in my parenting because of moments like this that happened.

Humility was so present and I was laid out bare feeling utterly helpless in the situation.  There is a beauty in this though, and holding on to the truth that is Christ and the strength that He wants to give.

Friends, Mothers, Women, hold on to the truth that through moments of despair, humility is a beautiful thing that we find, and Christ is so present and there and willing to be our stronghold.