I can see my frustrations starting to rise a little more now that Riley is a full blown toddler. There are moments when I just want to do something, whether it be read an email, or do the dishes, and it is interrupted by a shrill whine or cry. These are the moments that I feel awaken us all. True wits are tested and I can either practice patience, (oh and is it a practice or what?!) or raise my voice and say "Riley" in that tone that I hate to hear myself do. This week I want to breathe. I want to breathe in all that Riley is and in the midst of moments where I just don't seem to have the patience I want to pray. I want to invite myself and Riley into a place of peace. This sweet little bundle looks to me for guidance, strength, peace and comfort and I want so desperately to do those things.
This week I want to be intentional. I want to drink from the great well that Jesus said he gives in the gospel of John. I want to come to Him for my strength so that I can do this job well. Be a Mother. I am a Mother and I want to be intentional.
Now, this is not meant to be a note of discouragement or to say in the least bit that this will go as planned this week, but it is where I am right now in my head. I want to be real with myself, with God and with others. I want the out pour of that to flow to my husband first and then to my daughter.
I was gently and also veraciously reminded this past weekend that worship is a lifestyle. It is fluid and ever changing, but it is constant. And with things that are constant, we have the ability to improve at them. I want to take these powerful words in John 4 to come and worship as a reminder to embody Christ to Riley. Raising the bar to a level that I can consistently strive towards coupled with grace and mercy.
This week I want to be a great Mom. I want to love Riley and have fun with Riley. I want to pray out loud with her and bring her into a place that goes deeper. The reminder came on so strong to me that worship is a lifestyle and wanting to pray with Riley more that I realized the reason why I hadn't been doing that with her was because I myself have resided and retracted away from a lifestyle of worship. I have not portrayed to her Christ because I myself have been hindered by certain obstacles that have greatly affected my daily worship of Christ.
I need to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness from the great Father who gives so freely. My sins past and present have been fully paid for by Christ's sacrifice but that doesn't mean sin doesn't still have symptomatic reactions on our souls.
Confessing and understanding root sins will begin the process of regaining unity and closeness with Christ. Being able to worship Him in His fullness, not mine. In the likeness of who he is, not who I am. Becoming more like Christ, and in doing so becoming a better Mom.
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